Sunday, December 17, 2006

Why did you invent the mosquito?

Scribe: God, Alexander asks "Why did you invent the mosquito?"

God: LET'S TAKE THE NEXT QUESTION.

Scribe: Why?

God: THE MOSQUITO IS A SORE SUBJECT FOR ME. NEXT QUESTION.

Scribe: This oughta be good.

God: FINE, IF WE MUST DO THIS, LET'S GET IT OVER WITH. REMEMBER HOW I TOLD YOU THAT SOME THINGS WERE NOT PART OF THE MASTER PLAN.

Scribe: Sure, I think you mentioned that in the context of our discussion on gravity and flying.

God: EXACTLY. WELL, MOSQUITOES WERE NOT PART OF THE MASTER PLAN.

Scribe: But you did invent them?

God: YES, YES, MEA CULPA. IN EACH SPECIES, I EXPERIMENTED WITH BIG SPECIMENS, SMALL SPECIMENS, ETC. IT'S WHY YOU HAVE MAMMALS AS LARGE AS THE WHALE AND AS SMALL AS THE MOLE RAT. EXPERIMENTATION. I FIGURE YOU CREATE ALL KINDS AND LET THE FITTEST SURVIVE.

Scribe: Wait, survival of the fittest. Wasn't that Darwin's?

God: WHO DO YOU THINK WHISPERED IT IN HIS EAR?

Scribe: Oh.

God: SO WHEN IT CAME TO INSECTS, I TRIED EVERY SIZE AND TYPE I COULD THINK OF: BUTTERFLIES AND BUMBLE BEES, WORMS AND BANANA SLUGS, BEETLES AND GRASSHOPPERS. THE INSECT POPULATION IS IMMENSELY VARIED, JUST LIKE THE MAMMALS, JUST LIKE THE FISH.

Scribe: OK.

God: BUT I NEVER EXPECTED ONE CREATURE TO BE SO UNIVERSALLY REVILED BY ALL OTHER CREATURES. THE MOSQUITO WAS A MISTAKE. IT HAS NO FRIENDS AND IS HATED BY ALL. ITS ONLY SAVING GRACE IS THAT SOME VARIETIES OF INSECTS FEED ON IT.

Scribe: But if you are embarrassed by them and agree they were a mistake, why don't you wave your hand (or whatever it is when you do miracles) and smite the entire mosquito population?

God: ONCE I CREATE, I TEND NOT TO PRESS THE REWIND BUTTON. WE TALKED ABOUT NATURAL SELECTION EARLIER. THAT'S A PROCESS BY WHICH SOME SPECIES TEND TO BECOME EXTINCT OVER TIME SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY CAN'T CUT IT IN THE WORLD AS IT HAS EVOLVED. MAYBE ONE DAY THE MOSQUITO'S WILL BECOME EXTINCT. IN THE MEANWHILE, THEY JUST SERVE AS A SOURCE OF EMBARRASSMENT. KIND OF LIKE THE BAD HAIRCUT YOU HAD IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK.

Scribe: You've seen that? I thought I had succeeded in hunting down every last copy of the yearbook.

God: I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING.

Scribe: Right. How about I agree not to bring up mosquitoes in our interview and you agree never to mention that haircut?

God: DEAL.

2 Comments:

Blogger i am in the Church squard said...

Did you really have sex with Mary ?

4/27/2007 10:04 AM  
Blogger i am in the Church squard said...

i am a great beilver in god i have everyday i read the bible i am a good christain i deser you help i am even a virgin i have never been tempted in to sexual intercourse. will i go to heaven ?

4/27/2007 10:07 AM  

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