Does it bother you when people take your name in vain?

Scribe: God, Julie asks “Does it bother you when people take your name in vain?”

God: SURE IT DOES. WOULDN’T IT BOTHER YOU?

Scribe: I guess.

God: “SCRIBE DAMMIT!” “SCRIBE DAMN!”

Scribe: Sounds kinda funny.

God: YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT. ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT IT’S DISRESPECTFUL, I ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION EVERYTIME I HEAR MY NAME. THINK ABOUT IT. IMAGINE ALL THE TIMES EVERYDAY WHEN SOMEONE IN THE WORLD SAYS “GOD”. GOD DAMN. GOD FORSAKEN. GOD DAMMIT. GOD HELP ME. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

Scribe: I see what you mean.

God: MY NAME HAS BECOME SO MUCH A PART OF THE VERNACULAR THAT PEOPLE FREQUENTLY UTTER IT WHEN THEY’RE NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT ME. I’VE GOT TO PARSE THROUGH ALL OF THOSE CALLS AND FIGURE OUT WHICH PEOPLE ARE REALLY TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION. AND THAT’S JUST WHEN PEOPLE USE “GOD”. I’M KNOWN BY A LOT OF OTHER NAMES THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE.

Scribe: Sounds rough.

God: IT IS WHAT IT IS. I’M ANSWERING THE QUESTION MORE THAN REALLY COMPLAINING. BEING GOD, I’VE LEARNED TO TAKE THE BAD WITH THE GOOD.

Scribe: The good?

God: WHILE LOTS OF PEOPLE TAKE MY NAME IN VAIN OR CURSE IT, MANY MORE SING IT. GOD BLESS YOU. GO WITH GOD. THANK GOD. PRAISE GOD. AND THAT’S NOT EVEN COUNTING FORMAL PRAYER. I AM EXULTED BY SOMEONE SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD VIRTUALLY EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY.

Scribe: Wow! And people thought Elvis was popular.

God: HE WAS.

Scribe: And didn’t John Lennon once say the Beatles were more popular than Jesus?

God: HE DID. TOOK A LOT OF HEAT FOR IT, TOO, POOR GUY. HE JUST MEANT IT AS HYPERBOLE.

Scribe: I’m sure you’re right.

God: I AM.

Scribe: Still, I bet that your fan club is bigger.

God: PROBABLY A SAFE BET.