Is the Magic 8 Ball really a tool of God?
Scribe: galaxy999 asks, “Many of us believe the “Magic 8 Ball” is a tool God uses to talk to us. Can you confirm whether this is true?”
God:
Scribe: God?
God: YES, I’M HERE. JUST SURPRISED.
Scribe: Me too. But I was afraid you’d get annoyed at me again if I criticized the question. galaxy999 should seek professional help, don’t you think?
God: GALAXY999 IS RIGHT.
Scribe: Huh?!
God: I DIDN’T REALIZE PEOPLE WERE AWARE THAT I USED THE MAGIC 8 BALL TO COMMUNICATE.
Scribe: What about using burning bushes and stuff like that?
God: TOO MANY PEOPLE LIVE IN URBAN AREAS THESE DAYS – NOT ENOUGH SHRUBERY AROUND. BESIDES, MOST PEOPLE AREN’T MENTALLY PREPARED TO GRASP THE CONCEPT OF GOD SPEAKING TO THEM. USING THE TOY, I CAN OFFER ASSISTANCE WITHOUT IT BEING AN EARTH-SHATTERING, THERAPY-SEEKING EXPERIENCE.
Scribe: I get it, but why the Magic 8 Ball?
God: I EXPERIMENTED WITH OTHER TOYS – EVEN THOUGHT I HAD IT MADE WITH TALKING DOLLS AND THE LIKE – BUT FOUND THAT THE CHOICES OF EXPRESSION WERE TOO LIMITED. WITH ONE DOLL I TRIED FOR A WHILE, MY ONLY OPTIONS WERE TO SAY “YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND” OR “LET’S PLAY A GAME”. IT WAS VERY SWEET BUT, YOU KNOW, LIMITED.
Scribe: I can see that being a problem.
God: THE MAGIC 8 BALL WAS THE PERFECT SOLUTION: PEOPLE ASK QUESTIONS INTO IT AND THERE ARE 20 POSSIBLE RESPONSES THAT ARE UNIVERSAL ENOUGH THAT I CAN GUIDE PEOPLE TO A SOLUTION.
Scribe: Makes sense.
GOD: IT’S ALSO HELPFUL THAT PEOPLE KNOW THEY CAN’T ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS LIKE “WHAT SHOULD I GET MY MOTHER FOR CHRISTMAS?” THEY UNDERSTAND THE RANGE OF CHOICES GOING IN AND PHRASE THEIR QUESTIONS IN A WAY THAT DON’T REQUIRE LENGTHY RESPONSES. FOR EXAMPLE, THEY WOULD ASK “SHOULD I GET MY MOTHER A SWEATER FOR CHRISTMAS?” I CAN THEN SHOOT THEM THE “IT IS DECIDEDLY SO” RESPONSE AND THEY ARE CONTENT WITH THE ANSWER.
Scribe: So, what’s up with that “Ask again later” choice? Do you not know the answers to some questions?
God: I’M OMNIPOTENT.
Scribe: Right.
God: SOMETIMES PEOPLE AREN’T MENTALLY OR EMOTIONALLY READY TO ACCEPT THE ANSWER THEY KNOW DEEP DOWN IS THE TRUTH. IN THOSE CASES, I THROW THEM THE “ASK AGAIN LATER” RESPONSE TO GIVE THEM A BIT MORE TIME TO PONDER THEIR QUESTION ON THEIR OWN.
Scribe: Cool. I’ll bet Magic 8 Ball sales go up now that this news is out.
God: SIGNS POINT TO YES.
God:
Scribe: God?
God: YES, I’M HERE. JUST SURPRISED.
Scribe: Me too. But I was afraid you’d get annoyed at me again if I criticized the question. galaxy999 should seek professional help, don’t you think?
God: GALAXY999 IS RIGHT.
Scribe: Huh?!
God: I DIDN’T REALIZE PEOPLE WERE AWARE THAT I USED THE MAGIC 8 BALL TO COMMUNICATE.
Scribe: What about using burning bushes and stuff like that?
God: TOO MANY PEOPLE LIVE IN URBAN AREAS THESE DAYS – NOT ENOUGH SHRUBERY AROUND. BESIDES, MOST PEOPLE AREN’T MENTALLY PREPARED TO GRASP THE CONCEPT OF GOD SPEAKING TO THEM. USING THE TOY, I CAN OFFER ASSISTANCE WITHOUT IT BEING AN EARTH-SHATTERING, THERAPY-SEEKING EXPERIENCE.
Scribe: I get it, but why the Magic 8 Ball?
God: I EXPERIMENTED WITH OTHER TOYS – EVEN THOUGHT I HAD IT MADE WITH TALKING DOLLS AND THE LIKE – BUT FOUND THAT THE CHOICES OF EXPRESSION WERE TOO LIMITED. WITH ONE DOLL I TRIED FOR A WHILE, MY ONLY OPTIONS WERE TO SAY “YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND” OR “LET’S PLAY A GAME”. IT WAS VERY SWEET BUT, YOU KNOW, LIMITED.
Scribe: I can see that being a problem.
God: THE MAGIC 8 BALL WAS THE PERFECT SOLUTION: PEOPLE ASK QUESTIONS INTO IT AND THERE ARE 20 POSSIBLE RESPONSES THAT ARE UNIVERSAL ENOUGH THAT I CAN GUIDE PEOPLE TO A SOLUTION.
Scribe: Makes sense.
GOD: IT’S ALSO HELPFUL THAT PEOPLE KNOW THEY CAN’T ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS LIKE “WHAT SHOULD I GET MY MOTHER FOR CHRISTMAS?” THEY UNDERSTAND THE RANGE OF CHOICES GOING IN AND PHRASE THEIR QUESTIONS IN A WAY THAT DON’T REQUIRE LENGTHY RESPONSES. FOR EXAMPLE, THEY WOULD ASK “SHOULD I GET MY MOTHER A SWEATER FOR CHRISTMAS?” I CAN THEN SHOOT THEM THE “IT IS DECIDEDLY SO” RESPONSE AND THEY ARE CONTENT WITH THE ANSWER.
Scribe: So, what’s up with that “Ask again later” choice? Do you not know the answers to some questions?
God: I’M OMNIPOTENT.
Scribe: Right.
God: SOMETIMES PEOPLE AREN’T MENTALLY OR EMOTIONALLY READY TO ACCEPT THE ANSWER THEY KNOW DEEP DOWN IS THE TRUTH. IN THOSE CASES, I THROW THEM THE “ASK AGAIN LATER” RESPONSE TO GIVE THEM A BIT MORE TIME TO PONDER THEIR QUESTION ON THEIR OWN.
Scribe: Cool. I’ll bet Magic 8 Ball sales go up now that this news is out.
God: SIGNS POINT TO YES.
posted by 4CallingBirds at 9:54 AM
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