Tuesday, December 26, 2006

What is the deal with the whole Garden of Eden thing?

Scribe: Pat_C asks, “What is the deal with the whole Garden of Eden thing? Was Eve really the one to succumb to temptation or is that just what every male on the planet would have us believing?"

God: THANKS FOR THE QUESTION, PAT.

Scribe: Boy, she sounds feisty.

God: FEISTY?

Scribe: Spunky, fun, full of life. I like women like that.

God: WOULD YOU LIKE HER PHONE NUMBER?

Scribe: You have her number?

God: I HAVE EVERYONE’S NUMBER.

Scribe: Sure. What does she look like?

God: I’M NOT TELLING YOU! THIS ISN’T “G DATE” AND I’M NOT FIXING YOU UP WITH ONE OF OUR READERS. LEST YOU FORGET, YOU’RE INTERVIEWING GOD. I’D APPRECIATE A LITTLE DEFERENCE AND RESPECT.

Scribe: Darn.

God: SUCK IT UP. SHE’S MORE WOMAN THAN YOU CAN HANDLE ANYWAY.

Scribe: She's what?!?

God: MAY I ANSWER THE QUESTION?

Scribe: Might as well.

God: THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO ANSWER THIS ONE. FIRST, IF YOU’RE A DIE HARD “EVOLUTION THEORY” PERSON, THE ANSWER IS THE GARDEN OF EDEN DIDN’T EXIST. BUT IF YOU’RE A “CREATIONIST THEORY” PERSON, I CAN SHED SOME LIGHT.

Scribe: Wait, did it exist or not?

God: IT’S UP TO PEOPLE TO DECIDE FOR THEMSELVES. I WON’T TELL YOU ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, JUST EXPLAIN WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED IF THE GARDEN OF EDEN EXISTED.

Scribe: Huh? That sounds like that O.J. Simpson book where he said, “I didn’t kill my wife but here’s how I would have done it if I had”.

God: PLEASE DON’T COMPARE ME WITH O.J. HE FALLS SOMEWHERE CLOSE TO MOSQUITOES IN MY BOOK.

Scribe: I just don’t get it.

God: FOR PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN CREATIONISM, HERE’S THE SCOOP. I CREATED THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH, ETC., ETC., UNTIL I CREATED MAN AND WOMAN, WHO DWELLED IN A NIRVANA KNOWN AS THE GARDEN OF EDEN.

Scribe: I don’t mean to be a stickler but how can you “dwell” in a garden? Don’t you need walls and a roof to dwell?

God: WHAT ARE YOU, A LAWYER? IF YOU PREFER I SAY THEY RESIDED, LIVED IN OR HUNG THEIR FIG LEAVES THERE, FEEL FREE TO CHOOSE ONE OF THOSE. IN ANY CASE, CERTAIN GROUND RULES WERE SET, AND ADAM AND EVE DIDN'T FOLLOW THEM SO THEY GOT BANNED FROM EDEN.

Scribe: But it was Eve that fell to temptation, right?

God: TECHNICALLY, YES.

Scribe: Sure, women blame us men for giving in to temptation from time to time but they're really the ones to blame for original sin.

God: NOT "WOMEN", SCRIBE. JUST EVE. OF COURSE THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT ANYONE, MALE OR FEMALE, IS ABOVE SINNING.

Scribe: I don't sin.

God: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO LIST YOUR SINS?

Scribe: Better not, that Pat_C might be reading and I don't want her to get the wrong impression of me. Maybe she and I still have a shot?

God: DOUBTFUL.

Scribe: She's a babe, isn't she?

God: I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE.

Scribe: I knew it.

God: NEXT QUESTION.

1 Comments:

Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

RE: adam and eve
Were Adam and Eve Framed?
http://beepbeepitsme.blogspot.com/2007/01/were-adam-and-eve-framed.html

1/23/2007 6:55 PM  

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